I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “My worst nightmare has come true. I have covid.” Maybe it’s because I’ve actually experienced true tragedy, but my worst nightmares have nothing to do with covid. In fact, illness is so far down on my list of fears that it doesn’t even register. My nightmares are about reliving the loss of my stepdaughter and unborn grandson or watching my dear grandmother take her last breath. I don’t fear their deaths anymore, just reliving the moments when I felt such tragic loss. The truth is when we know there’s eternal life waiting for us in Heaven, death is not something to fear. Death is something to celebrate because when we (or our loved one) step into the Spiritual Realm and through those pearly gates we are made whole! Those who couldn’t walk here on earth can run, skip and jump in Heaven (I’m sure my friend Jeff is dancing like no one’s watching! 🙌). We are guaranteed renewal and the perfection of Heavenly bodies (2 Corinthians 5).
Supernatural healing has been the topic of discussion all around me this week, with each thought and conversation taking me deeper in belief. My pastor is in the middle of a sermon series about each aspect of our lives and how using them to dig deeper is how we grow in our faith and get to experience what he has termed “Best. Year. Yet.” His message for this weekend is confirmation of what God has been speaking to me about all week. Last night, Pastor Jon took us in depth about our spirit. He explained how our body and soul connect us to this earthly form while our soul and spirit connect us to God. When we, in our spirit, dive deeper into God through the Holy Spirit, we can experience supernatural things that this world cannot offer. Things that are not of this world, but come from the Creator of all things. And when our spirit and soul experience the supernatural, it causes our body to experience it too. After Friday night service, my husband and I were talking about the supernatural freedom and peace we have experienced over the past few years. The breaking of chains that restricted us and kept us in fear.
For so long I carried the fear of shame. At a very young age I experienced betrayal and parental abandoment. I felt unwanted and unloved by the people who were supposed to love me most. In school, I was ridiculed by my peers for things that were beyond my control. I was even criticized and bullied by teachers for making poor choices. People who are supposed to be encouraging during times of growth and learning and who should have known how to lovingly redirect me, instead chose to put me on blast in front of the whole class. My ex-husband privately poked fun at me for singing out of key, a shame that he didn’t know hindered me for over 10 years prior to that moment. His confirmation carried in another 10 years of chains. Joining choir was a step forward for me in declaring that fear had no hold on me but I was met with 5 steps back and another couple years of shame when it surfaced again in the form of church hurt from a former choir member. A group of people who are called to collectively encourage one another to worship in spirit and truth, and I got mocked for everything she didn’t like about me, including the size of my forehead. (Church hurt is real and definitely something we need to start talking about. We have to bring light to that darkness to be able to overcome it.)
Baptism Video – Jamuary 22, 2017
Today, on the 5th anniversary of my re-dedication through baptism, I am thrilled to look back through all these things of my past and shout “I don’t live there anymore!” The past 5 years have been super messy but God met me in the darkness and pulled me kicking and screaming into His light. I’ve learned that He provides supernatural healing when we surrender our will to His. He exchanged my overwhelming grief for peace that surpasses all worldly understanding. The deaths that left me crying my eyes out at the mention of their names now have me smiling from ear to ear and rejoicing that they are experiencing Heaven, and one day, I will too! The chains that bound my hands, feet and throat during worship have fallen off in a burst of freedom that can only be felt through supernatural healing. I now worship in spirit and truth regardless of my surroundings. I don’t care if it’s practice, live service, singing in the shower or in the car. I just want to worship God with every ounce of my being. True worship takes sacrifice but it’s not a chore. It’s something we should look forward to and the more I worship in spirit and truth, the more I want to worship. I told our Worship Leader after practice last night that I can’t believe I GET to do it 3 more times this weekend. It’s the same songs over and over but I feel a deeper connection, a reNEWal, in my spirit every time.
Don’t get me wrong, God’s still working with me on several things. Right now, it seems to be my inner critic (Enneagram type 1), but I’m learning that it’s normal to continue growing. Our faith walk doesn’t end when we are baptized, that’s only the beginning! We are constantly being offered supernatural healing in exchange for surrendering our will to align with God’s. It’s never too late to tap into what He has in store for you. Don’t let the chains hinder you. There’s a supernatural healing that He wants you to experience.
Walking in Faith & Dwelling in God’s Supernatural Healing, ❤ Renee